): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
