Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry about my life...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
