Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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