I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
