Are we in a gay sports bar?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
