how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
