I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
