Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
