I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
