I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
