i permit you to call me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
