do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
