I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
