Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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