I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
