Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How does one acquire holy water?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
