Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
