you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
