I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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