why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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