Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
