so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
