Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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