My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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