Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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