How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
