Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
