I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...so i touched it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
