I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
