Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
