I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
