I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
