Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
