God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
