You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
