so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
