Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
