yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
