Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
