Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
