Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My balls are so social today.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
