i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
