just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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