I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
