i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
