He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
