There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
