you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
