He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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