I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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