nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
